10. My pet piranha ate my cocaine and he’s freaking out.

9. I’m down at the river sauteing some clams.

8. Scotch for Breakfast.

7. It’s Spring Break, I know that’s not really a thing for grownups but I hate change.

6. My cat seems depressed.

5. Why isn’t work at me? Think about that for a minute. Mind blown.

4. I’m pretty sure Gilligan is going to get off that island today, and I am not missing that.

3. Someone stole my lunch out of the fridge last week, and I’m waiting for them to be dragged before me.

2. I’m holding out for a management position.

1. I consider myself freelance.