The downside of volunteering in the classroom is knowing way too much about your kids.
The Madness brought home an adorable little poster in the shape of an owl with an “owl about me” pun and lots of little fun facts about herself. “I’m going to keep this forever!” I thought and then immediately put it somewhere for my husband to find and recycle so I can yell at him later and avoid mom guilt.
On her “owl about me” paper she proclaimed her desire to be a vet when she grows up.
That’s cute, I thought…but weird. She doesn’t actually seem to like animals that much and she’s never shown the remotest interest in any other vet related activities.
Today, I got the full story from another in class volunteer.
“What do you want to be when you grow up?” was the question on the table.
Madness considered. “I dunno. I don’t really want to do anything.”
“Sooo, what…you just want to be a lady of leisure?”
Madness thought about that and nodded. “Yeah, that sounds nice. I can’t spell that though, so I’m just gonna write vet. My aunt’s a vet…or maybe she’s just a doctor. Anyway, I can spell vet.”
She draws a half-assed selfie without any animals and writes VAT across the top.
Close enough, sugar plum. Close enough.
At least 87% of all American girls under the age of 11 say they want to be vets. At least 94% of those have never seen an elderly chihuahua have its temperature taken.
Most jobs are shit, but only a few include rectal probes of small animals.
I wanted to be a vet SO BAD, but alas, too much pesky math and chemistry in medical programs. Oral surgeon assistant job was great until I started passing out during the surgeries. The surgeon requested that I seek another career path. Scotts Lawn Product sales followed and eventually international high tech sales. The moral being: Never give up on wanting to be a “VAT”, it can lead to awesome opportunities that don’t involve rectal probes.
Dare to dream
Maybe more kids would aspire to excellence, if we made excellence easier to spell. Anyone for “XXX”? Er, cancel that idea. It is not appropriate for a family blog.