I dropped the girls off with their grandparents a few hours ago for their second ever sleepover, so the Engineer and I could go whiskey tasting in Woodinville (because wine-tasting is so bourgeois, and there is almost never a good fight).
Also, fun side note, when we got to mom’s house, she wasn’t actually there. We broke in and then I robbed her cabinets to make lunch for my starving family. Tuna sandwiches. The tuna looked a little odd, but I mixed it up with some mayo, and slapped it on toast. Then mom comes home. We’re chatting, she picks up the can.
“Did you eat this?”
“Yeah, I didn’t think you’d mind.”
“I don’t mind, but it’s the cat’s food.”
I fed my husband and children cat food sandwiches. My husband looks like he’s going to vomit. I grab the can. It’s not tuna. It is, however, salmon. For people. My mom’s cat eats canned salmon. 100% pole & troll caught.
“She needs the Omega 3s,” mom explains.
Crisis averted. We pack up and kiss the girls goodbye. Several hours later, I’m sitting at the Anchor bar sipping a Rosita when I get this message on my phone.
Hi- emailing ’cause too long to text. Jo hid in the guest room to pass her poo, which reeked, so I had to change her. (but good sign that she’s aware of having to poo and hiding like your brother used to). By the time I got everything together and past all the “no’s” and “stops” and going downstairs and gagging all over Jim, telling him I was going to vomit and he better be my back-up, the Madness was on the pot. She told me I better not change Jo in that bathroom because she would gag and vomit, and “I’M NOT KIDDING, BUBBIE!” So I ended up changing Jo on the rug in front of the front door, passing the yukky stuff to Jim. Couldn’t find any wipes in your bag so had to use the dried up ones from upstairs.
They don’t seem to stop eating but I gave them a bath and washed Madz hair. After which they ate a whole package of seaweed. Guess I need to buy a larger size? Bamps is off to pick up pizza.
love, ma
You might not think that’s as funny as I do, because you’re probably not drinking as much as I am right now. Don’t drink and blog – is that a thing?
Here is a picture of the Whiskey and Nocino we bought today. I highly recommend both.
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Milk & Whiskey 
Haahaaaaa
No really, if your Mum isn’t gonna start herself a blog can you at least ask her to Cc: me in on future babysitting updates please? Freakin’ hilarious!
Stop encouraging her!
Cheers! 🙂
Three points; 1) we were not home on time because we were on a bird photo shoot 2) what kind of kids fight like cats over a package of seaweed? 3) train the oldest to change her sister’s diaper – it’s just too awful.
I still hide when I poop… seriously I have issues with where I’m ok pooping.
I don’t wanna know where Whiskey thinks appropriate hiding places are to poop…..
But if you don’t know, how can you be sure to avoid them!??
Oh the cat food! I read that and cracked up. Then I sent this post to my mom and dad. I happened to be standing next to my mom as she was looking at the computer and burst out laughing. “Did you just read it?” I asked her. She had.
Absolutely hilarious!! Thank you!
Emma
Thank YOU for sharing it! It’ll be a while before my daughter stops telling strangers that I fed her cat food.