We Found What the Olympics is Missing

This is a weird post because it’s mostly just a conversation between my brother and I, but I thought it was worth sharing and he’s off in Hawaii without an internet connection (how is that even possible!?) so he can’t really say anything about it.

MILK: We’re in the living room screaming at team USA as they square off against Russia in hockey. The kids keep complaining that we’re being too loud. The TV is on constantly this week, which would normally blow their tiny minds, but there’s no Rainbow Dash. It’s sports, 24-7. And if they thought dad was annoying during soccer season and football season, then they must be ready to disown him now. It kills him that they don’t care. He finds the most extreme sports to show them (skeleton?), and the most princessey (figure skating, duh.), in hopes of sparking ANY interest in America vs the world at SPORTS. No dice. What about you – the boys getting into this shit at all?

WHISKEY: I’m currently watching men’s skeleton with “The Kraken” in my lap, he enjoyed that and ski jumping. Dapper likes speed skating.

MILK: Yeah, ski jumping seems like a safe watch for the Kraken. Don’t be surprised when he tries it at the park tomorrow on the tallest slide he can find. You know I was kinda hoping for an entertaining conversation here, not a literal question and answer session.

WHISKEY: I just figured out how to make the Winter Olympics super cool and watchable; Pretend every race is a John Cusack movie where his last chance to get the girl and foil the privileged villain with his friends in their pompus popped up collars. Oh, the way they treated him unfairly because he isn’t from their part of town. Well he’s gonna show them when he drives off the slopes in a black Camaro with the girl on his arm. USA USA USA USA!

Better off dead

Name that movie, folks!

MILK: Well you just got ME interested in sports, so kudos for that. The Madness is not the biggest Cusack fan…yet. I’ll work on it. In the meantime, maybe I can write the children’s book about the whole Tanya Harding/Nancy Kerrigan fiasco. That’s got a solid plot line, and she does love a good princess vs evil princess story.

Of course then the girls might start role-playing the story and I hesitate to think about who gets to be Tanya. Either way, I should start hiding the crowbar.

A Very Princess Beat Down

Which I already do. Because, obviously.

3 thoughts on “We Found What the Olympics is Missing

  1. Look MILK I don’t appreciate your downplaying my being in Hawaii as an act of laziness. I’m busy, nose to the rum soaked grindstone trying to gather more material for my hotel review jokes. Now where’s my snorkel, I have to go diving before work tomorrow to find some jokes.

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