Anyone raising kids of an age where they are old enough to wear shoes, or even more dangerous take them off, has asked a blank faced child this question. The question may involve varying degrees of volume and colorful language depending on how long the search for the shoes has been going on and how late for school, work, the airport etc you are.
“Where are your shoes?”
There is a even more maddening mystery that immediately follows.
“Where the heck is your other shoe?””Why are they not in the same place?””Why do you hate being at places on time””Why would you do this to me?””Do you know why daddy drinks?”
These phrases have been spoken to many a blank faced kindergartner. Kid’s go through amazing growth spurts and are really hard on their sneakers so very often a busy family is left with one usable pair of shoes until someone has time to go shopping. This is why my kid wore rain boots to school in June once… ok for most of a week. In Los Angeles where it never rains.
So the hunt for the shoes becomes this terrible morning ritual. Even if measures are taken such as “Here Wyatt, this is the basket that your shoes go in when you get home ok..?” “Ok dad” Lies, so many lies.
So after turning red in the face one too many mornings when everyone was late and Wyatt sat there holding his lunch wearing one shoe and wondering why dad and mom were swearing and crawling around on the floor looking under furniture I’d had it. The baby toddled by clutching a single shoe, but not the right one. She was just on her way to hide it for later, I snatched it from her hand.
I felt there had to be a reason why the shoes ran away every night, I was going to get to the bottom of it. Then one afternoon the answer hit me like a shoe. Literally my kids didn’t know I was coming and one of them hurled a shoe into the hallway and hit me.
“Why did you just do that?” I yelled at my two sons who were pointing at each other and each holding another shoe throwing arm cocked like Joe Montana.
“Sorry daddy, we were playing the shoe fly game!” the little one said proudly.
The mother loving “Shoe Fly” game. Apparently they learned this from a friend who used it a visual aide on a bad prop comedy and pun act he had been perfecting. It involves as you’ve guessed by now throwing your damn shoes around the house and laughing like idiots.
We have banned the “Shoe Fly” game.
The shoe fly game explained:
Do you really believe that George Bush was able to make a move like that without a hell of a lot of practice? On the other hand, the guy who missed him….talk about a rank amateur.
I was never a huge fan of W, but man he was bobbing and weaving. It would have been so money if he caught one!
I keep two pairs of shoes in the car…for each kid. Right now my threenager has taken to locking himself in the car, so I’m just waiting for that shit to get ugly.
Buckle up buttercup, for a second I thought you wrote “teenager” and I was about to make a I hope its a hot day and you have the keys joke.
Hahaha… Needed that laugh today.