Our mom gets a lot of credit, sometimes negative in this blog but I’m here today to give her her due. Our mom is a total bad-ass paranoid blonde.

First off our mom has been both a world class embelisher of truth and occasional baldfaced liar since childhood (hers). She can be impulsive, irrational, and just plain crazy some days (can’t we all?). She is also an amazing woman.

She became a career woman when that was not an easy thing to do. Something that’s easy to forget but should never be forgotten is the overt, unapologetic bullshit women had to put up with having a job in the 60’s-present. Mom had to put on the skirt/jacket body armor and go deal with all the bullshit for three or four decades. Mom didn’t just put up with American bullshit, she was in high tech sales in the 80’s for the Asian and Middle East markets. She dined in the Playboy Club in Tokyo while A-cup ladies in school girl outfits sang “fry me to the moon,” and she rode on tanks. Have you done that? I sure haven’t. God knows how many “atta-girl” slaps on the ass and other douche baggery she put up with.

Then she came home, boiled up a bag of rice with a side of broccoli, fried up some pork chops for dinner, and spent three hours fighting with me about homework and then two hours fighting with me about sleeping. Then when I was finally asleep she would put a stocking on her head and shake me awake suddenly just for kicks. She also once convinced me that I was shedding fish scales and was likely what a doctor would call a “Transphibian”. She promised to help me get to “the underground transphibian movement”.

In the meantime, we always had amazing lunches for school that were overflowing to the point that she had to staple them closed. Sure, she wouldn’t put Twinkies or Oreos in them (white sugar/white death), but there was enough good stuff that a trade was always possible at lunch time. Her turkey sandwiches were legend. One time when I had started yet another new school she put a non-alcoholic beer in my lunch, which made me super cool and earned her some more phone calls from the school.

Our mom bought a house by herself in the 80’s and worked her butt off so that we could have a weird childhood, punctuated by insane, trendy hair cuts. Later, she dropped the corporate schtick to take a shot at her own business. When that didn’t work out, she and MILK spent a couple of years living on credit cards, with heat being a luxury.

She bought me a car when I was getting my stuff together after high school and returning to the universe, so I could go to a bunch of community colleges and then transfer to a real one.  She helped patch me up and believed in me when not a lot of people did. I mean, she kept leaving air conditioner repair school and chef school pamphlets around the house, but she believed I was capable of reading them, at least.

Most people were sure MILK would be OK – that chick goes on vacation and comes back with more money than she left with – me…not so much. There were concerns, let’s say. But mom was there for me.

Finally when she felt her job was done, she sold her house and started a new life in striking distance of MILK and her grand kids. Now she has picked up a dozen new hobbies and I can’t keep up with her life. Who the hell starts glass blowing in their 60’s?

So this mother’s day lets have a toast to mom. Oh and here is a photo of her enjoying the traditional “Mother’s Day” bacon grease pan!