Shoe Store Creepers.

Our mom, in addition to an amazing ability to spin a yarn, also is blessed with great feet. Don’t believe me? Just ask a foot fetish weirdo!

Mom attracts weirdos off all sorts, just waiting in a checkout line with her can be an opportunity to witness this. If there is anyone is the store who recently was abducted by aliens they will be standing behind her just dying to strike up a conversation and tell her all about it. It helps her start cults some days. On two separate occasions the weirdos found her shoe shopping.

The first time she was shopping at the now defunct chain called Mervyn’s when a weirdo struck. Mom was rummaging through a deserted shoe department when a clean cut man in a dress shirt came over and asked her if he could help her. She said sure.

She told him that she needed some shoes for a sales conference in Hawaii in a size six. He asked her to take a seat and went and retrieved every summery shoe in her size in the store. He even helped her try them on, which even for the 80’s was a little bit weird. He asked her to walk around in the shoes so he could judge the fit and make suggestions. He was very, very knowledgeable regarding shoes. Then she found one she liked and asked him if they had them in pink.

His response was “how should I know, I don’t work here”. Then he calmly left the store. Mom just sat there completely stunned. She didn’t even report him, she went home to make the “you’re not going to believe what just happened to me” phone calls to her girlfriend. Shoepervert Then it happened again at a Nordstrom’s!

Mom went shoe shopping with the same friend that she called about the last shoe perve. She and her friend went to their respective shoe size areas and were trying on tons of Betty Business Bitch stilettos (her words) to go with their work outfits.

A very polite man walked up to her and asked mom if she would help him find a pair of shoes for his wife.  Of course she agreed. Apparently his wife wore the exact same size (yeah, right) so she tried on some fairly normal pumps.  You just don’t open with the clear platform shoes, that’s a dead giveaway, you have to work up to that. The shoes started getting shinier and redder and higher with more “interesting” hardware on them.  He just couldn’t decide which pair to buy, and kept asking mom to try on ever sluttier shoes and walk around. Just when she finally started to finally feel weird about it her friend came around the shoe aisle and saw the guy watching her modeling kinky shoes.

Her friend immediately sussed what was going on and yelled at her “it’s happening AGAIN! SHOE PERVERT ALERT!” Upon being outed, the shoe aficionado panicked and fled into the mall, leaving mom and her friend yelling and pointing at him. Then they both laughed themselves sick. So there you have it. Proof that our mom has great feet and attracts weirdos.

4 thoughts on “Shoe Store Creepers.

  1. It’s true! I witnessed the Nordstrom event, and fielded the shrieking phone call about the Mervyn’s story. btw, the Betty Business Bitch pumps she bought at Nordstroms were a strange shade of mustard yellow (grey poupon) that sent us into fits of snort laughing and reliving the whole episode again!

  2. Hey to anyone who had to read this as one giant paragraph with a cartoon in the middle we apologize. WordPress did something weird when I changed something. Also I can’t believe no one in our audience gave us shit about it.

  3. Pingback: Paranoia and the Post | Milk & Whiskey

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