“Talent” show

My daughter brought home a permission slip for the school talent show the other day. It was smooshed in with a lot of other random papers.

“You wanna be in a talent show?” I asked, entirely kidding, because this:

We've come a long way, apparently.

We’ve come a long way, baby.

This is how I still think of her, though she’s mellowed out quite a bit in the last two years.

“Sure,” she says.

I scoff. “Seriously? What would you do?” And I know that sounds a little on the bitchy side but she caught me off guard. The girl has many talents – such as climbing our home’s decorative molding like a large, damaged spider – but I can think of none that would play well on a cafeteria stage.

“I can do ballet,” she says.

She has not had one single dance class in her brief life. She did see The Nutcracker this year. She also owns about thirty tutus. Does that count as formal training? “Ballet?”

“Sure. I’m great at ballet.” And then she twirls and hops and falls out of the kitchen. How does one fall out of a kitchen you ask? You don’t have a small child, I’d reckon.

"Tell me this doesn't look like ballet. I have on a freaking tu-tu"

“Tell me this doesn’t look like ballet. I have on a freaking tu-tu”

Turns out the Madness isn’t the only one crazy enough to want to try ballet in front of an audience. She is now part of a small troupe of girls who will spin into each other like adorable bumper cars on stage. Here is their permission slip, which I had to fish out of the recycling when I realized she was serious. They didn’t give me enough room to get into the significance of the dance, metaphorically speaking, but  you get the gist.

image

Anyway, the first tryout was last night and they were legitimately adorable. I wish I could share the video with you, but just picture five confused six years olds in tutus spinning and leaping in a paroxysm of “ballet.” Pretty much EXACTLY as I predicted it on the permission slip. It’s like I’ve done this before.

Oh My God I HAVE done this before.

I had a flashback to that time in middle school when my best friend convinced me to participate in an even more absurd dance attempt to “The Age of Aquarius” from the musical Hair. In 1991. No fewer than three other acts were breaking it down to Boyz II Men’s Motownphilly. I think we may have been the only two white girls in eighth grade at that school. No, no, there was one more. She was too smart to have anything to do with us. Plus, Whiskey threw her brother into a locker for making fun of me.

We practiced for days, getting the waving Kali arm opening just right before spinning away, our waist-length hair flying behind us as we went full hippie. I got to wear my mom’s patchwork suede miniskirt. There were literal flowers in our hair. FLOWERS.

Did I mention this was eighth grade?

You wanna talk #toomuchoverselfconfidence? They were just lucky we didn’t perform in the nude.

Afterwards, we were honestly surprised that every single person at the school, including faculty, wouldn’t stop flashing peace signs at us. For the rest of the year. As though that wasn’t an entirely predictable outcome of busting out “The Age of f’ing Aquarius” for a middle-school talent show in 1991.

I still have the album, by the way. Vinyl.

And I think my mom still has the video of the performance. Thank God no one has a VCR anymore.

18 thoughts on ““Talent” show

  1. Now I have that song stuck in my head and will probably be humming it through my Back and Core Care class. We must have rummaged thru 12 record stores looking for that old used vinyl. And it was a great performance even though all you did was mainly spin around a bunch while looking serene!

  2. Reblogged this on Finding Myself Through Writing and commented:
    Here’s a funny I’d like to re-blog for re-blog Wednesday. Siblings! What can you say? These guys are hilarious! Step over to their site and dig around for a few laughs this morning. Read their About page so you can understand where they are coming from. 😉 ~Elle

  3. You brought to mind the time my best friend signed me and her up for a tricycle race that was to take place in the gym – with the whole school present.- for a competition between classes. A best friend who was quite a bit smaller than me. This was ninth grade. I was too big to ride a tricycle the day I was born – I had no business being on one 14 years later. I hated her that day. You know how you look back on things like that years later and laugh? Decades have past and it’s not funny yet.

    I’ll have to go back and thank Elle for sending me over for a chuckle – nice to meet you both! Oh – btw – this same best friend and I, from our respective states 1000 miles apart, connected last year to do a joint blog for the same reasons you two did – to stay connected and try and make somebody, somewhere laugh. I hope we’re doing as good a job of that as you two are!

    • With best friends like ours, who needed mean girls, huh!? 😉 Ah well, it’s not like we remember that time everything went exactly right. Let’s just count ourselves lucky there was no youtube back in the day!

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