1. “What do you mean, you bought a ‘tiny turkey?’ What the hell, if I wanted a chicken I’d get a damn chicken. Go eat a f*cking Tide Pod…”

2. “You’re a tiny turkey.  No you are…I said it first.”

3. “There are twelve people coming…I hope you bought three of those things.”

What’s everyone else going to eat?

4. “You realize that the tiny turkey was a Chris Rock SNL sketch in the 90’s right.? Did it come with a turkey pump?” *High five with other 40 something walking by.*

5. “Just because you were born that year doesn’t mean you know shit about the 90’s”

6. “You guys aren’t happy until you ruin everything are you?”

7. “Yeah go tweet that shit – I care about as much as your 6 followers.”

8. “Oh, you have an opinion? I could tell you where the nearest voting booth is…or have you finally found it?”

9. “I’m sorry our family is too “stressful” for you – have you tried “growing a pair?” It worked out pretty well for your great-grandma.

10. “We don’t have a safe space, but we do have a ‘kid’s table’. I wouldn’t call it ‘safe,’ though – I’m pretty sure the little one just made a shiv out of that tiny wishbone.

Note from MiLK – Whiskey started the list this year and I actually had to look up what the hell a tiny turkey was. Are you guys kidding me with this shit? Tiny Turkey?? You know Turkeys are like 6 months old when you kill them for food. Is smaller REALLY better with this? Whatever – you guys do you, I guess. I’m gonna get a drink.

Bonus snark!

“I’d love if you help with the dishes… just don’t eat the soap.”

“I’m Gen-X, we owned apathy, and we still voted. Yes every election. Do they still have civics class??? I find your ironic Skid Row shirt hilarious, saw them in 91′ ”

Holy crap I’m getting old.

Happy Thanksgiving you tiny turkeys.